Saturday, October 22, 2011

How many licks...?

How many licks does it find out the gender of our babes?! Yep, that's right, we found out the gender of our kiddos at 12 weeks! Can you believe it?! I am still questioning it a little, but don't worry! We will be double checking at our next appointment in 2 weeks.

So...what are they already?!?!?!?

Lucky us gets one of each. We are elated, soooo perfect! Okay, let's be honest, whatever we get will be perfect.

We flew home to MT for Cody's fall break, and we were able to spill the beans to our parents about the was so fun to do it in person!

At my house: We gave each of them a sucker, and my mom went at it right away, she was so anxious to know the genders! My dad was a little more hesitant. He told us to "just tell him"! I told him that he better get to sucking or they would never know what gender the second baby was! By this time, my mom had sucked the chocolate off of a BLUE #1 is a BOY! Her eyes filled with tears. Dad then got to sucking, and when he took the sucker out of his was blue! O SHOOT! I had mixed up the pink and the blue suckers! I swiftly grabbed another sucker (which I was praying was pink), he sucked it, and a little pink shone through. WHEW! It took a couple times, but we got it right, One boy, one girl!   (Unfortunately, my dad is STILL determined that the suckers were right the first time, and that the Dr. is wrong. I guess we will see at our next appt if there are 2 boys in there, or 1 of each! HA!)

At Cody's house: We had been talking about how "excited" we were to find out the genders, pretending that we didn't know. Finally Cody gave in and told me to get out the suckers...I gave one to Laurel and one to his brother, Will. Laurel went to town and just bit right through the chocolate, to a BLUE sucker. Will, on the other hand, left the sucker in his mouth until all the chocolate was gone...a good 45 seconds! A LONG 45 seconds! And pulled out a pink sucker. (We got it right!) They were so excited for us!
We had our ultrasound 15 days ago and I am just posting this! Sorry! Everything went just great. So far so good. *deep breathe of relief* The babies are both growing at the rate they should at this point. I am very, very anxious for our next couple of ultrasounds, though. Dr. R. (my perinatologist, who was also with us for Warner's) said that he will be able to completely rule out OI (Osteogenesis Imperfecta) at 20 weeks. I am almost 15 now, so not much longer until we will feel ~a little~ more safe.

I am pretty much a freak, though. I am so careful about what I eat, what I lift, what I push, how I walk, how I sit, how I, well, do everything! I know I am crazy, but I think most women who have had any type of a lost child can somewhat understand. I KNOW it's not my fault, but every little ounce of me just wants to make sure that nothing I do will hurt the babes. I think I will probably be like this for the rest of my pregnancies, and I guess it's not a bad thing, probably just annoying for everyone around me, and my Dr. who gets a call about every out of the ordinary pain.

I had a really amazing experience last night. Often when I was pregnant with Warner I would be so, so worried about him. I would pray, and Heavenly Father would always give me comfort in some way. Sometimes it was just a feeling in my heart that everything was going to be okay. Sometimes it was a whispering in my ear. Sometimes others would call or send me cards that would give me the comfort I needed. One time, I hadn't felt Warner move in a really, really long time. I was getting extremely worried about him, So, I prayed. I prayed for comfort. Immediatley, literally within seconds, I felt a swift kick from my little boy. I began to cry the happiest tears I had cried in a long while. Heavenly Father had answered my prayer so quickly, there was no way that I could even question it. I knew at that moment that my son was okay, that GOD LOVED ME, and could hear my prayers. I was blessed with a tender mercy from the Lord.

In 1 Nephi 8:8, it states, "And after I had traveled for the space of many hours in darkness, I began to pray unto the Lord that he would have mercy on me, according to the multitude of His tender mercies."
To read more, CLICK HERE.

What comfort that scripture gives me. We all travel through darkness, but that Lord is willing to extend mercy to us, whenever we need it.

Back to my experience last night...I had a dream. Well, a nightmare. I dreamt that only one of our sweet babies was doing well after birth. I woke up before a real diagnosis was given, not knowing if both babies had survived, almost gasping for air. I was breathing so fast and so hard. I knew immediately that it wasn't real, thank heavens. My first instinct was to reach down and feel my belly, to feel those 2 sweet children growing inside of me. For the next 10 minutes, I watched and felt my babes moving. I have felt little flutters in the past weeks, but nothing like this. I could physically see their actions beneath the skin. At only 15 weeks. I, once more, was blessed with a tender mercy from the Lord. I knew that it was only a nightmare, and that my babes were safe and sound, (and maybe punching eachother:) ) in the womb. Our Heavenly Father loves each one of us, each one of you, and is willing to send us tender mercies, just when we need them the most.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Journey of Life...twin babes!

As I sit here, 12 weeks pregnant with our amazing twin babes, I can't help but think of Warner. I remember feeling the same excited, happy emotions that I am going through now. 12 WEEKS. We made it! Especially after the last two miscarriages we have experienced, this seems like a big deal. I am so happy to be here. I am so grateful that they are both safe. So far so good. At the same time, I long for Warner. I long to have my 17 month old baby running around my house like a mad man, experiencing this all with Cody and I. I want to explain to him that there are babies in mommy's belly...I have to remember that he knows that though. He is watching over our every move, just from a distance. I think I just know what an amazing blessing he would be to us on earth. If Heavenly Father needed him so badly, I can only imagine what WE WOULD HAVE LEARNED from Warner in this life! I know that he is working hard in heaven, anxiously awaiting our arrival, and hopefully preparing his future siblings to come here, STAY for a while!

So many thoughts are going through my head. A dear friend told me today that I need to be recording this journey we are on. I knew, at the moment, she was talking about this journey of pregnancy. The feelings, the emotions, the physical joys and hardships. But, I couldn't help but think to myself, "I need to record our JOURNEY OF LIFE." Sometimes I am great at this, sometimes I fail. I fall into the path of most online journalers...I ALWAYS share the positive. I share the fun, the laughs, the travels, the events. It is hard, though, to overcome the fears of opening your heart to the world. ON the flip side, it is comforting to me when people tell the truth. The real truth.

The last 12 weeks have gone by S.L.O.W. We obviously were having problems getting pregnant, then keeping a pregnancy for the long haul. So, we decided to start infertility treatments. Which means, from day 1 in that hospital room, we knew that we "might" be pregnant. Day 7, my sciatic starting aching, so that was a GREAT sign (For some strange reason this happens to me early in pregnancies). Day 11, I took a pregnancy test (3 days early) and it was positive! We were at a cabin with all of Cody's family, but I only told him. I even woke him up at 6am with a big, fat kiss! He knew right away what that meant. Day 14, I took another test, and we announced it to the fam. His entire family was there. I cannot believe the love that was in that room. Tears were lacing everyone's eyes, if they weren't running down their cheeks. We knew there was a long road ahead, and that we had all these people right behind us on the trek. Bert offered a beautiful blessing, adding us to the list of necessities. When we made it out of the mountains the next day, we told my family and a few close friends who knew we were shooting for the stars just 14 days prior.

Since then, the day by day has been FULL of well, everything. Happy, HAPPY emotions just like the naive girl I was when I was 12 weeks pregnant with Warner. Tears. Tears of worry, anxious tears, tears of fear. 

Today, though, I have both. Happy, happy tears of joy for being 12 weeks along. VERY HAPPY TEARS! And, the few tears of sadness I shed as I read some of Warner's blog posts. It is amazing how often I refer back to those posts for strength, comfort, and meditation. All the more reason to record this journey, as well. And hopefully I will learn my lesson, and really continue to record our journey of life.

I had reservations on sharing our experience with the everyone. This sounds crazy, but especially with those around us. I wasn't sure how they would react. When Warner was born and passed, so many people  shared their thoughts and sympathies in many different ways. Some good, some bad. I have come across people I rarely speak with that have CRIED as they have learned of our pregnancy. Literal tears of happiness for us, someone they barely know, but somehow can feel empathy and compassion for. I pray that I can feel for others as deeply as these women have expressed they feel for me.

IF you are happy for us, if you have cried tears for us, we thank you. But most of all, we ask for your PRAYERS. The more the better. We know the road ahead we cannot control, but we have been through alot, and we KNOW that the LORD is right by our side through it all. The ups, the downs, the tears, and the smiles. I can't wait to experience them all.

If it is anything like our journey with Warner, we are going to learn more than we ever imagined.

We are going to grow closer and closer through each up, and through each down.

We will feel the comfort of our Father in Heaven around each bend.

The encompassing love from prayers offered will change our every action and emotion.

We will be blessed with a family for eternity, not just the here and now.

It's amazing. As I wrote each of those, they all applied to these sweet, living babies in my tummy; but also, to our sweet, spirit of a Son, waiting for us on the other side. I am so grateful for my eternal family.

The Details:
~Due Date: April 18, 2012 (C-section probably at the end of March, however)
~Latest ultrasound: Today! The babes were great, both just moving around in there! One was punching the air, wiggling arms like crazy! The other was sucking their thumb, bobbing the head right along with the sucking! It is so fun to see them in there, healthy and happy.
~YES, IT IS TWO: Double the joy, double the poop, half the sleep, double the feedings, double the smiles, double the messes, double the giggles, double the happiness we will feel for getting to experience all of those DOUBLES!
~Identical: probably not, but there is always a chance, less than 5% chance. They each have their own sac, own placenta, so that is good. They are each receiving their own nutrition from mommy, so no sharing!
~Approximate size of mommy: hmm...wait and see, I guess! I am thinking, well, BIG! I am about the size at 12 weeks as I was at 20 weeks with Warner, so, take that and let your imagination run...
~Physical feeling: Can't complain. Nausiousness here and there, as long as I eat every 2.5 hours I am good to go. My sciatic is getting pretty bad, however. Hopefully is doesn't increase! Headaches are on and off, just like with Warner. 2nd trimester was bad for headaches with him though, so we will see what these babies do!
~Working? Yes, Yes, and Yes. Hair, photography and surgical assisting are still going strong! I hope to continue through my entire pregnancy. I just hate being bored, and work helps solve that problem.
~Next Appointment: regular OB, 2 weeks. Perinatologist, 4 weeks. 

On with the journey!