Thursday, May 31, 2012

I have sweet moments with the boys often, but tonight's was extra special. They both lay crying on my lap, I couldn't get them calmed. I began to sing "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" and they both fell fast asleep. The Spirit was so strong. What a blessing it is to hold them in my arms.

Monday, May 7, 2012

2 Years

I woke up to flowers at my door today. What a blessing it is to have people who are so far away from me, yet remember what matters most. Thank you.
Today our sweet Warner would have turned 2. I feel like it has been so long since we held him in our arms. At the same time, I can remember every peaceful feeling of that special day 2 years ago. I still get glimpses into eternity here and there, of the future moments where I will get to hold my son and cry tears of joy. I still remember the love in that hospital room, surrounded by our family. I will never forget holding my baby boy, trying to study his every feature and lock it in my memory forever.
This year is harder than last. I think that is because I have Warner's two brothers here. They have been giving me the sweetest looks and cuddling with me all day. Even a few smiles here and there. It makes me miss Warner. It makes me wonder what his personality would be like now, at 2 years old. Would he be helping me non stop with the boys, or just causing trouble? I like to think he would be cuddling right along side us. Reading books to the boys. Giving them kisses as I hand-sanitize his entire body 12 times a day:). Getting way too close to smashing their cute hands. Pinching their cheeks as they get chubbier, and adoring their little toes. O how I wish I had a 2 year old and these boys all together in our living room right this minute.
However, I know that if it wasn't for losing Warner, Dax and Barrett would not be in my arms right now. We probably wouldn't have undergone fertility treatment if Warner had survived, and these two boys would still be a distant wish. I will forever be thankful to our Heavenly Father for his hand in our lives. He knew what was best for us. I miss my sweet boy, I see a lot of his features in Barrett. His nose and hair, especially.
Warner makes me want to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother. I pray that I can remember him and his influence on us always. We love you, sweet Warner.