Monday, May 7, 2012

2 Years

I woke up to flowers at my door today. What a blessing it is to have people who are so far away from me, yet remember what matters most. Thank you.
Today our sweet Warner would have turned 2. I feel like it has been so long since we held him in our arms. At the same time, I can remember every peaceful feeling of that special day 2 years ago. I still get glimpses into eternity here and there, of the future moments where I will get to hold my son and cry tears of joy. I still remember the love in that hospital room, surrounded by our family. I will never forget holding my baby boy, trying to study his every feature and lock it in my memory forever.
This year is harder than last. I think that is because I have Warner's two brothers here. They have been giving me the sweetest looks and cuddling with me all day. Even a few smiles here and there. It makes me miss Warner. It makes me wonder what his personality would be like now, at 2 years old. Would he be helping me non stop with the boys, or just causing trouble? I like to think he would be cuddling right along side us. Reading books to the boys. Giving them kisses as I hand-sanitize his entire body 12 times a day:). Getting way too close to smashing their cute hands. Pinching their cheeks as they get chubbier, and adoring their little toes. O how I wish I had a 2 year old and these boys all together in our living room right this minute.
However, I know that if it wasn't for losing Warner, Dax and Barrett would not be in my arms right now. We probably wouldn't have undergone fertility treatment if Warner had survived, and these two boys would still be a distant wish. I will forever be thankful to our Heavenly Father for his hand in our lives. He knew what was best for us. I miss my sweet boy, I see a lot of his features in Barrett. His nose and hair, especially.
Warner makes me want to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother. I pray that I can remember him and his influence on us always. We love you, sweet Warner.

8 comments:

Marjie said...

We love you and your sweet family. Warner will never be forgotten and the knowledge that he is a part of your family forever is assured.

AmandaS said...

Wow, hard to believe that it has been two years! We love our little Warner :)

chelsea mckell said...

I love that last sentiment - that Warner makes you want to be a better person. Having that strong motivation must be such a source of strength every day.

Allison said...

What a sweet blessing all three of your boys are. I'm glad that you are a forever family and know you'll have the chance to raise Warner in the future :)

Jess said...

That was beautiful Chelsea.

adorable pearsons said...

So sweet! Love to your whole family! Dax and Barrett will always have an angel watching over them!

Richard and Carlie said...

Love you chels. I know he and dax and barratt were all best buddies and that his little spirit is still closely felt by them. What a blessing to know they can be reunited one day and pick up.eight where they left off...reading books and cuddling and I'm sure causing a little trouble :)

Melanie said...

Much needed perspective for me today, Chels! Thanks for sharing your feelings. There is no doubt sweet Warner is looking down on your growing family and wonderful to think Dax and Barrett were with him not too long ago. You are a great mom!