Monday, November 7, 2011

Surprise!

Well, it was the BIG appointment for us today. 17 weeks. I will get the facts out of the way for those of you who don't want to read about the emotions!
-Dr. R. checked the kiddos "long bones" (arms and legs). This is the largest indication of skeletal dysplasia. Both babies looked wonderful. One baby measured right on schedule at 16 weeks 5 days. The other measured 5 days ahead of schedule!!!!!!!!!!! YAY. YAY. YAY!
-Dr. R. also checked their genders....and...Surprise!

BOY and BOY!

They were wrong at the 12 week appointment...I could hardly believe it. We have two little Mr's in there! Okay, that's the important stuff, here are the details:

I have been dreading this appointment, and looking forward to getting it over with. I couldn't decide if I wanted to never, ever go to the appointment so that, if something was wrong, I wouldn't have to know. I have never been able to decide if it is better to know that there is something wrong with your child and have months and months to prepare for it; or if it is better to be shocked at an immediate outcome. I guess I think it is better to have the knowledge all along, simply because that is how I did it. Then again, if we always knew the outcome of our trials, we might just choose to give up, instead of going through the pain. In our case, there was so much pain. But if I could only explain in words how much greater the joy was at the end of our journey with Warner. The amazing peace that I am not sure I will ever feel again that I felt when I held him.

I have had days of anxiety, maybe even a week. I mean, I have been worried since the beginning, but actual tears of concern were in my eyes even thinking about this appointment. I would have times of peace, usually after I prayed for comfort or after talking with someone who sincerely would re-assure me that everything was going to be okay. I can't stop thinking about something my sister in law told me right before we got pregnant with the boys. She said, "Heavenly Father knows when you have hit your limit, and you have hit yours." This always gives me comfort to think about. Heavenly Father does know us sooo well. Last night I was talking to my dad, and I have a soft spot for him. I started balling with concern for my babies. I love that he can comfort me so quickly. He has just a perfect, tender stillness about him, and it helps to calm my fears.

Now for the appointment. On the way, I was feeling okay. A little anxious, but overall pretty good. I still wasn't able to separate my anxieties from my actually feelings. Deep down I knew they were going to be healthy, but on the surface it was just easier to fall apart and freak out. (I seem to be good at over-analyzing and scaring myself!) Cody met me there and the nurse took us back. I have been having some pretty intense pulsing and so I told her about it. She was really concerned and kind of freaked me out a bit, to tell the truth! I have been taking it easier, but she wants me to really take it easy. Hard for me because I am go, go, go! But, we will just have to figure out how to cure that! I can still blog to my hearts content:) ha. They measured my cervix and so far so good, so that's a positive. Let's keep it that way!

We had a great tech who took tons of photos for us, both 3D and regular images. She asked us if we knew the sex, and we told her that Dr. R. had told us at 12 weeks, and was almost positive, but not completely, and asked her to double check. Dr. R. came in the room, so we started measuring.  Baby A looked great. Actually, more than great, 5 days ahead of schedule, in the 96th percentile. Nice, long, straight arms and legs, with head and tummy looking good so far, too.

At this point, tears began to fill my eyes. One healthy baby. One long-boned baby. One baby with no skeletal dysplasia. That was good, really good. But as quickly as I had tears of joy for him being healthy, real tears of worry started to come for the next baby. It is amazing the love and concern that I have for each of them. I don't normally notice feeling different love for them individually, because it is hard to understand that there are two babies in there. But, when I knew that one was okay, and was not sure about the other, I had very real feelings of two different, sweet children.  (I hope that made sense.)

To continue, baby A was a boy! Baby A is laying with his head on my right side, feet on my left side, horizontally. He is also on the bottom, being smashed by Baby B. Not really smashed, though. The fluid protects him so he doesn't even know that someone is laying right on top of him! Whew! ha.

Then to Baby B (whom we "thought" was a girl...). Measured the arms and legs, and both looked perfect. This was when the real relief came. All my crazy fears were washed away and I had tears of joy for both of my healthy, non skeletal-dysplasia children. (Now, don't get me wrong, I would 100% love and embrace a child/children with skeletal dysplasia, my fear is just that they would have a lethal form, like Warner, and then I would only get to love them for a little bit, until after this life, when I could then love them forever:) ) Okay, so healthy Baby B...and, the tech went to check the sex. Dr. R. asked us, what did I tell you the second baby was? We said, a girl. He got a big smile, and told us that it was a BOY! I was totally shocked, started laughing, and said, "Are you kidding?!?!". Nope! There is was, two boys! Crazy, crazy. We were all laughing, Cody, as always, looked like he had known all along. He said he had a feeling that there wasn't a girl in there! He was right. No girl, just boys!

Baby B is laying with his head on the left, feet on the right, horizontally. He gets to be on top the entire time, laying on his brother! The chances of the boys being identical is less than 10%, due to the fact that they have their own sacs and that the placenta seems to be separate. We will know for sure when they are born, I guess!

Now, we are elated that all is going well. However, we are still so cautious! I think this is something that will always be built in us with pregnancies. We have a long way to go until these boys are home with us, safe and sound. And, I know that each subsequent pregnancy I will be just as nervous as I was today. Of course, the likelihood that Warner's condition is not random is sooo small, especially now that these babies look as though they are growing well. But, I worry, worry, worry! It's my job I guess. We will just keep praying that things keep going well, keep our heads up and our faith strong.






7 comments:

Marjie said...

Tears of JOY rolling down my face!!

Bryce and Kathleen said...

so glad things are looking good and your appt went well! and two boys now!! i obviously don't know any different, but boys are great. :) love to hear the updates!

AmandaS said...

The boys of the SMith household are overjoyed. However, I cannot say the same for one little Smith girl. She will surivie. We love you and our little nephews/cousins sooo much!

Lauren said...

I am so thrilled for you and Cody to have 2 new baby boys! Prayers that everything will continue to go well. Love you guys!

Jess said...

Yay! What a happy day! I've been checking for days now to see what the doctor would say. I'm so happy for you. We continue to keep your family in our prayers!

Allison said...

SO glad all is looking well! And perhaps the mishap with your parents (where your dad accidentally got a blue sucker) was a sign... :)

Chelsea said...

I loved reading this! I'm so glad and thankful you share the details of it. Such an incredible journey so far, and only guaranteed to get more incredible! And I totally know what you mean about loving them individually and as a unit. Right from the beginning, and more and more as time goes one, I find myself thinking about how I love Courtney, I love Bennett, and yet I love them together as my twins. Two boys - so exciting! And much easier to plan the wardrobe! :)